Xtra special day.

Today TJ seemed to notice and care for me. While sitting on the arm of the rocking chair that I was sitting in, TJ bent over a 'looked' into my face. Then he proceeded to touch my hair, face, shoulders, arm and chest. It seemed very much that he was 'seeing' me for the first time. I wasn't just 'GG', it felt like he was seeing a person that meant a lot to him. What a wonderful boy. While I was reading to him, the next book said "to Ginny". I asked TJ, "who's Ginny?" He pointed back ward to me!

Feeling guilty.

My ID keeps telling me to blog, but my brain and procrastination gene keep me away.
It has been one week since I last blogged. What in the world would be interesting enough to write about. My past? Seems boring/ don't care to think about it. The present? Not very interesting. The future? I had all Friday, all Saturday, all Sunday, all Monday and most of today [Tuesday] to write. I even forgot to blog from Mack's journal on Sunday. It would seem that my life was so busy/fascinating, that I didn't have time to blog..... not true. I try to live in the moment, to smell the roses. And it is usually important to have something to look forward to. Even if it is just yard sailing on Saturday morning. It is something I enjoy very much. I enjoy taking my dog for a walk. Reading a good book [non-fiction] passes the non TJ time. I like the Internet for all the information it has, but the flashing ads are annoying. Have I wasted my life? Probably not. I raised two lovely children despite adverse conditions. My two lovely children have given me two incredible grandsons that I have had the pleasure of spending a lot of time with. And, if I'm VERY lucky............. I might get to see a great grandchild or two. I didn't preform brain surgery, go to college, write a great novel, see the world, or solve war. But, I got to raise my children myself and help them raise two extraordinary boys!

It is so warm in NC

Yes it was cold. Yes it did get windy cold. Yes I had to clean frost off my car windows before I could go anywhere. BUT... it has been warm/sort of hot, for so long that it feels like summer has been here for a long time. I'm sure this feeling is just a northern person thing. I can't wrap it around my head, that it is still just SPRING! Oh my! I may just get tired of summer. Bite my tongue. I never thought I would say THAT. Summer always seemed too short. By the time it was 4th of July, it was half gone. Don't get me started on summer solstice. I liked summer better when I was a kid and new nothing about the longest/shortest daylight time of year. The days of shorter daylight starting JUNE 22nd, seems like a cruel trick. TJ and I went to the apartment pool today for the first time. He was bundled up in a swim vest and had a difficult time just walking up and down two steps - with a hand rail. Dang, the bathtub is more fun. No intense sunshine, no sunscreen, no too deep water, NO CLOTHES, and lots of toys and markers to draw on the tub/skin. Luckily a pretty young woman, volunteered to rescue the toy dump truck that TJ decided to throw further out into the water than I wanted to go. TJ must have said a dozen 'thank yous' to the savior. I think he was really hoping that she would follow him home. TJ and Mack both luv women/girls. Mack's first crush was Wendy in the 'Sandlot' movie. Wendy was a life guard and cute. Mack was 2 or 2 1/2 when he had his first crush. In Kindergarten, he gave Hannah a ring. So sweet. TJ started his first day at 'Play Room' at the YMCA today. No separation anxiety. Yeh

Page 20) January 2, 1999 Happy New Year!

I wish I could hug and kiss you all the time!
Jan 4th
You are a sick baby boy. I took you to the doctors today and she [DR. Dagnew] found a very bad ear infection. While we were waiting, in the waiting room, I was singing a song I made up about the 'train' that was painted on the ceiling. There was a red engine, a green tender and a yellow passenger car.
"yellow car yellow car
following the tender
following the engine
yellow car yellow car
Where are you going engine?
I'm going to Chicago.
yellow car
Why are you going to Chicago?
to see the aquarium
yellow car
Does the aquarium have sharks?
Yes the aquarium has sharks
me too me too said yellow car."
Kenzie, you skipped so happily down the hallway, that it was burned onto my memory. I can still see the carefree/joyful little boy you were."
Jan 26, 1999
Today you went to the doctor with GG and Aunt Kathryn. GG's turn to see the doctor. I had to go into a room and watch a video and you had to stay in the waiting room with A. Kathryn. When I left the waiting room to watch the video, you cried and cried. I forgot to hug and kiss you so I came back into the waiting room to hug and kiss you and tell you that I would be right back. {I was only gone 1 minute}. You wrapped your arms around my neck and said, " I miss you GG. I miss you" What a sweetheart!

All is well.

Yesterday I did myself a favor and had a routine colonoscopy. The cutest doctor came in and I asked him if I could take him home. All is well with the triple header [pap, mamo, colon]. I'm a very fortunate women to get to 62 and still be in good health [minor aches and pain]. I'm not done being useful to my family and friends. Being a little more eccentric seems to come with age/ diminished hormones. Speaking of aches and pains, I would like to try medical weed. I think I'll ask my GP doctor next time I see him [also very cute].
Peachy the canary should be having chicks hatch next week, if any of the four eggs she has been sitting on for 10 days are fertile. Elliot the male canary in the cage with her, paces back and forth on a perch, looking out of a window. Maybe he is guarding Peachy. There has been reciprocal feeding in the all male parakeet [3] cage. I think they are confused. I'm beginning to wonder if I have a female parrotlet in the cage with the male. The foster dad said she was due to have eggs [not] when I got them last year. This spring, not one egg. Female birds will lay eggs even without a male bird around.. the eggs are just not fertile. As you might have added up, I have seven birds. They make lovely noises. All is well.

Journey

Life with TJ is a journey.......we're not in any rush to get there - we are living in the moment. I guess, small children are the best at living in the moment - stop and smell the roses. Many of us would be happier, if we didn't think about the past or worry about the future. TJ; money - no worry....school - no worry..... bills - no worry......past mistakes - no worry. True there are many things that are scary because they are not understood, but there is nothing like a warm loving parent/GG to make you feel safe. So we live life moment to moment. No time line - no dead lines - no one is waiting for us. We do smell the flowers, bugs, birds, clouds, rocks [especially rocks] sticks, weeds and everything and anything. TJ made a big leap in socialization today. A neighbor girl [3] was playing at GG's house. When she touched a toy, TJ's first reaction was one of astonishment at the injustice of it all. Then he sat down and played with the same puzzle as the girl. HE SHARED one of his very own toys. Bigger kids have taken away his things and he was very touchy about children touching his things. Very often TJ would hoard as much as he could possibly hold so no one would take them.
Peachy [canary] has been sitting on four eggs for a week now. Maybe we will have baby birds next week.

Trains in the sky.

While driving today with TJ in the back child seat, he said, " train in the sky". Sure enough, the cloud right in front of us was in the shape of a train engine..........using lots of imagination. TJ pushed the pedals on his tricycle today. The grade of the sidewalk was perfect [one way] to help him. He looks at his feet instead of where he is going. Before, if you asked him if he wanted to ride his bike, he said,"no thank you". This time he saw it in the trunk of my 'Mercury', and said "please" rubbing his chest in ASL for 'please'. We were at the park when he saw it in the trunk. "TJ, what does P-a-r-k spell?" "Park", he says. "What does 'G-o' spell". "Go" he says. It would be very hard to describe what it was like to eat lunch at a restaurant with a tired 2 year old. There wasn't any whining or crying, he stayed on the booth bench, but squirm, talk, fidget, and cling to me he did. I was too hungry to pay too much attention to his antsy, except when he balanced himself between the booth back and the table by putting his shoes against the table edge. That way he could be suspended off the seat. TJ is having a difficult time learning to share. If he thinks another child might even 'think' about playing with what he has, he gathers everything up into his arms [like train cars], and then is unable to enjoy playing. LOL Children come into the world so uncivilized. What a joy to show/teach them to become a member of a civilized culture.