Did I learn something new today?

Everyday should be a little different than all your previous days. Like snow flakes, they start to all look the same, but each should be in someway, different. A sight you never saw before, a smell you never smelled before, something that you learned that you didn't know before, meeting someone you never knew before. Change is life - life is change. You ate breakfast, just like yesterday and the day before yesterday and all the yesterdays before. After breakfast went to the store where you've been before. Stop, think. What was unusual about this day, that NEVER happened before.......I think you will be surprised. Embrace change..........I makes you feel ALIVE!

Security

I read somewhere that children younger than 12 do not run away from home. There is something about turning 12 that triggers a realization that you can survive without a parent. I'm not sure what it is like to have only one parent from birth on like my grandson . I Jim know that he has always wished he had a Daddy. But I think he has felt secure. My father left my Mom and 4 1/2 kids when I was 4. I saw him once in a while. I have come to understand that that seemly small change in my life really had a profound affect my sense of security. My young brain figured out that if one parent could leave, nothing was stopping the other from leaving. My former secure world just collapsed. In my child's mind, I thought if I did everything the remaining parent wished, I could keep her from leaving too. I was quite set up to consider her needs more important than my own. I was no longer an innocent child. This same fear of abandonment was in place when I married at 19 [3 months pregnant]. I thought my husband's needs were more important than my own. [My husband made sure I knew who's needs were more important] Since I did not want my child to suffer the same fate as I did, I stayed in a marriage that was not in my best interest. When my son turned 12 he asked me to divorce his father. Four years later when my daughter turn 12, and not knowing that her brother had asked, she asked me to divorce her father. Here's hoping that TJ has a secure life!

Foundation

Some like the idea of 'saving' for college. Even I was convinced that it was prudent to do so. At one point in time I had the resources to help send a grandchild or two to college. The best laid plans of mice and men................ On the way to college... preschool, elementary and middle school happened. Co-op preschool age 3-4 established that Jim was a natural leader. Grade school confirmed it and there were many opportunities [financial] to promote his natural abilities. Basketball camp [one in Austria], football camp [downtown on Ford Field], leadership camp in DC, Ann Arbor, Boston etc....Montessori and Charter Schools. And many many opportunities to give Jim a big picture of the world and his place in it. Along the way to High School I realized that a great foundation would carry Jim a long way. He has been accepted at Detroit Country Day High School where he will continue on his chosen path. After HS, I have every confidence that Jim will receive a scholarship to further his education. Spend on a good foundation - college will take care of itself.

Pretending

While I was visiting NC and trying to burp baby TJ, it brought back memories of 36 years ago......I'm 23 and trying to burp my second child Dee [her older brother Tim is 4]. I'm not sure why, but Dee seemed harder to burp plus I was busier taking care of Tim too. My mother-in-law had the patience to sit for hhhhhhhhhhours getting baby Dee to burp. Knowing that my impatience was part of the problem, I resorted to pretending I was Ruth my mother-in-law. If you feel that you could do a better job, why not pretend to be someone that you feel is accomplishing the task. When I confessed my 'pretending' to my beautiful daughter-in-law Ann, said that she used to pretend to be a friend of hers who was much more socially adept the her. Everyday is a gift.............enjoy the present.

TJ & Tim

visit to NC

I didn't blog this week because I was visiting my wonderful Grandson TJ and securing housing. See you Monday

Meltdowns.

We all know 2 year olds have temper tantrums. Now days we like to call them meltdowns. Children are just getting to know their world and many things are not understandable to them. Preteens are dealing with a lot in their lives. Teenagers are a challenge. I'm sorry to say that a lot of adults don't handle life with as much control as they expect a child/teen to have. Jim was at an Easter egg drop with me and my then man friend Rex. Jim was 5 years old. There was a promise of a prize in the plastic eggs. When Jim opened his egg, he was very disappointed [meltdown] at the cheapness of the prize. He got mad and stormed off toward the car. Easter was in April and there were mud puddles. Rex did not want mud in his car; got angry as any 6 foot man should when the POSSIBILITY OF MUD IN HIS CAR was imminent and threatened to spank Jim if he stepped in the mud. Grown man meltdown. It was difficult to tell who was the bigger baby; the five year old who was disappointed and had very little control over his emotions or the 56 year old.

Be still my heart.

Lately Dee and I have been sharing my car. I picked her up from work, she dropped me off at home, and they took my car to do some errands. Jim called me at 8:30 and said " are you in extreme need of your motorized vehicle tomorrow?" Be still my grandma heart. He could have said " do you need you car tomorrow?" Why use little words, when BIG words are so much more interesting.........................I replied " negative."

Moving

The house is 90 % empty. It sounds different. When I look and SEE how much is missing/gone, I get tired thinking about the amount effort it took to get this far. It is a daunting thing to empty a house after accumulating stuff for 40 years. But- it didn't get here all in one day and it will take many days to remove it. One day at a time. It is also liberating not to own a zillion things. If you truly think about it, how much stuff do we REALLY need? I had so much stuff that if I boxed it up, I would forget that I even owned it. Speaking of daunting ----when I think of the effort, time, and energy it took to 'child care' Jim, I sometimes think the prospect of doing it AGAIN 14 years later is insanity. Will I be attentive, will I be energetic, will I be enough, will I ......???? A journey begins with one step - then another - soon 10, 50, 300. One step at a time-one day at a time.

Going to Chicago to see the Aquarium.....

When Jim was 1, 2, 3, 4, one of the things we played with were the dining room chairs. I would line up the chairs like a train. Trains were a BIG thing to little Jim. Jim had a playmate named Kee who was the same age as Jim. Kee was with us [I was her childcare provider 4 days a week.] for 4 years from 6 months of age until 4 1/2 years old. Her family moved away. Back to my train. Well everyone knows you have to go somewhere when you ride a train, so I pretended that our train was headed for Chicago to see the Aquarim. " Take us to Chicago Jim to see the Aquarium." Sometimes Kee was the engineer. We often visited THE HENRY FORD museum to see the trains. Jim loved the "Thomas the Tank" series. Well to make long story short-Jim IS going to Chicago this weekend TO SEE THE AQUARIUM!

Enabler

Grandson [Jim] 14,. only child of my daughter [ Dee]. Jim comes into my house Sunday morning with a long face. HUG what's wrong? "My mother" Dee is close behind him with a long face. HUG what's wrong? " Your grandson" The story? ..... Jim is cold at breakfast so Dee being the great Mommy that she is says " Put your hands on my hot coffee cup to warm up but, don't touch it where I put my mouth......I think you can guess the rest of the story. Jim admits that it was to much temptation when the sentence contained DON'T.......I ask Dee why she expected to parent a teenager the same way she parented a 9 year old? "you only have ONE I had two......I would rather get another divorce than parent another teenager. Were you expecting this to be EASY?" "well maybe it will be easier when you're not here to 'ENABLE' his billergent teenage behavior. I'll be the first to admit, I'm much more relaxed this time around. I've weathered raising TWO teenagers. This time I'm 'Grandma' and as you know - Grandmas' have a hard time not spoiling [enabling] their smart, handsome, athletic, charming, adorable grandchildren. PS ..... I get to do it again!

Trading................

Trading..................

" Hugs & Kisses [ from Jim] for goos and smiles from TJ
" snow for NO SNOW!
" pot holes for aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
" Basketball games for pushing the stroller
" I'M HUNGRY! for wwwaaaaaa [I'm hungry]
" I need money for wwwaaaaa [I need a diaper change]
" Being close to my daughter for being close to my son
" Sisters for daughter-in-law [ and her sister]
" 9-5 for staying at home
" dressing up for work for jeans & shorts
" house maintenance for carefree apartment
" Metro Detroit for Metro Raleigh

Change is life - life is evolving.......................I'm ready to Evolve!

My Grandsons

14 years later.....

14 years have passed too quickly since I started Child care for my first grandson [Jim] . I'm still a very big part of his life but he is a teenager now and Grandma is not as important as she once was. Helping to raise him was very fulfilling especially because his father chose not be a participatory part of Jim's life. Jim is wise, athletic, mature, responsible, honor student, and blessed with good looks - loves children, basketball, sports, girls, family, friends & food! It hurts my heart to leave him but I have a new chapter in my life to live now. In May I will go to NC to be TJ's child care. The ONLY way to get me away from Jim was to give me a new grandchild to care for. The future looks exciting..................I am blessed.

1996

Jim was born on a beautiful day in February. The 24th was warm and sunny. A great day to enter the world. I marveled at how wonderful my 23 year old daughter [Dee] was at labor and delivery. It seemed like she went to Kmart, chose a son and settled right in to being a new mommy. Lucky Jim . Birthing children seemed like a life shattering alteration to my equilibrium. I didn't know it then but it was post-partum depression. Mommy blues. I [19]was Navy blue for two years after my first born [Tim] and only one year for my [23] second [last] child [Dee]. Now I watch very carefully for symptoms of Baby Blues in the next generation. The blues robbed me of some of the joy of having children. It was easier the second time because I knew that I would eventually regain my center.

I'm moving to NC in May to be my newborn Grandson's [TJ] full time day care [while his parents are @ work]. This is not the first time I have been day care. My first born grandson [Jim] is now 14. What a wonderful experience to be hands on with my grandchildren. I'm looking forward to many happy days as I again help shape our future tax payers. Nothing in life is more important as raising the well adjusted human beings. When Jim was born I was 46. TJ gets a much older Grandma, I turned 60 last month.