Xtra special day.

Today TJ seemed to notice and care for me. While sitting on the arm of the rocking chair that I was sitting in, TJ bent over a 'looked' into my face. Then he proceeded to touch my hair, face, shoulders, arm and chest. It seemed very much that he was 'seeing' me for the first time. I wasn't just 'GG', it felt like he was seeing a person that meant a lot to him. What a wonderful boy. While I was reading to him, the next book said "to Ginny". I asked TJ, "who's Ginny?" He pointed back ward to me!

Feeling guilty.

My ID keeps telling me to blog, but my brain and procrastination gene keep me away.
It has been one week since I last blogged. What in the world would be interesting enough to write about. My past? Seems boring/ don't care to think about it. The present? Not very interesting. The future? I had all Friday, all Saturday, all Sunday, all Monday and most of today [Tuesday] to write. I even forgot to blog from Mack's journal on Sunday. It would seem that my life was so busy/fascinating, that I didn't have time to blog..... not true. I try to live in the moment, to smell the roses. And it is usually important to have something to look forward to. Even if it is just yard sailing on Saturday morning. It is something I enjoy very much. I enjoy taking my dog for a walk. Reading a good book [non-fiction] passes the non TJ time. I like the Internet for all the information it has, but the flashing ads are annoying. Have I wasted my life? Probably not. I raised two lovely children despite adverse conditions. My two lovely children have given me two incredible grandsons that I have had the pleasure of spending a lot of time with. And, if I'm VERY lucky............. I might get to see a great grandchild or two. I didn't preform brain surgery, go to college, write a great novel, see the world, or solve war. But, I got to raise my children myself and help them raise two extraordinary boys!

It is so warm in NC

Yes it was cold. Yes it did get windy cold. Yes I had to clean frost off my car windows before I could go anywhere. BUT... it has been warm/sort of hot, for so long that it feels like summer has been here for a long time. I'm sure this feeling is just a northern person thing. I can't wrap it around my head, that it is still just SPRING! Oh my! I may just get tired of summer. Bite my tongue. I never thought I would say THAT. Summer always seemed too short. By the time it was 4th of July, it was half gone. Don't get me started on summer solstice. I liked summer better when I was a kid and new nothing about the longest/shortest daylight time of year. The days of shorter daylight starting JUNE 22nd, seems like a cruel trick. TJ and I went to the apartment pool today for the first time. He was bundled up in a swim vest and had a difficult time just walking up and down two steps - with a hand rail. Dang, the bathtub is more fun. No intense sunshine, no sunscreen, no too deep water, NO CLOTHES, and lots of toys and markers to draw on the tub/skin. Luckily a pretty young woman, volunteered to rescue the toy dump truck that TJ decided to throw further out into the water than I wanted to go. TJ must have said a dozen 'thank yous' to the savior. I think he was really hoping that she would follow him home. TJ and Mack both luv women/girls. Mack's first crush was Wendy in the 'Sandlot' movie. Wendy was a life guard and cute. Mack was 2 or 2 1/2 when he had his first crush. In Kindergarten, he gave Hannah a ring. So sweet. TJ started his first day at 'Play Room' at the YMCA today. No separation anxiety. Yeh

Page 20) January 2, 1999 Happy New Year!

I wish I could hug and kiss you all the time!
Jan 4th
You are a sick baby boy. I took you to the doctors today and she [DR. Dagnew] found a very bad ear infection. While we were waiting, in the waiting room, I was singing a song I made up about the 'train' that was painted on the ceiling. There was a red engine, a green tender and a yellow passenger car.
"yellow car yellow car
following the tender
following the engine
yellow car yellow car
Where are you going engine?
I'm going to Chicago.
yellow car
Why are you going to Chicago?
to see the aquarium
yellow car
Does the aquarium have sharks?
Yes the aquarium has sharks
me too me too said yellow car."
Kenzie, you skipped so happily down the hallway, that it was burned onto my memory. I can still see the carefree/joyful little boy you were."
Jan 26, 1999
Today you went to the doctor with GG and Aunt Kathryn. GG's turn to see the doctor. I had to go into a room and watch a video and you had to stay in the waiting room with A. Kathryn. When I left the waiting room to watch the video, you cried and cried. I forgot to hug and kiss you so I came back into the waiting room to hug and kiss you and tell you that I would be right back. {I was only gone 1 minute}. You wrapped your arms around my neck and said, " I miss you GG. I miss you" What a sweetheart!

All is well.

Yesterday I did myself a favor and had a routine colonoscopy. The cutest doctor came in and I asked him if I could take him home. All is well with the triple header [pap, mamo, colon]. I'm a very fortunate women to get to 62 and still be in good health [minor aches and pain]. I'm not done being useful to my family and friends. Being a little more eccentric seems to come with age/ diminished hormones. Speaking of aches and pains, I would like to try medical weed. I think I'll ask my GP doctor next time I see him [also very cute].
Peachy the canary should be having chicks hatch next week, if any of the four eggs she has been sitting on for 10 days are fertile. Elliot the male canary in the cage with her, paces back and forth on a perch, looking out of a window. Maybe he is guarding Peachy. There has been reciprocal feeding in the all male parakeet [3] cage. I think they are confused. I'm beginning to wonder if I have a female parrotlet in the cage with the male. The foster dad said she was due to have eggs [not] when I got them last year. This spring, not one egg. Female birds will lay eggs even without a male bird around.. the eggs are just not fertile. As you might have added up, I have seven birds. They make lovely noises. All is well.

Journey

Life with TJ is a journey.......we're not in any rush to get there - we are living in the moment. I guess, small children are the best at living in the moment - stop and smell the roses. Many of us would be happier, if we didn't think about the past or worry about the future. TJ; money - no worry....school - no worry..... bills - no worry......past mistakes - no worry. True there are many things that are scary because they are not understood, but there is nothing like a warm loving parent/GG to make you feel safe. So we live life moment to moment. No time line - no dead lines - no one is waiting for us. We do smell the flowers, bugs, birds, clouds, rocks [especially rocks] sticks, weeds and everything and anything. TJ made a big leap in socialization today. A neighbor girl [3] was playing at GG's house. When she touched a toy, TJ's first reaction was one of astonishment at the injustice of it all. Then he sat down and played with the same puzzle as the girl. HE SHARED one of his very own toys. Bigger kids have taken away his things and he was very touchy about children touching his things. Very often TJ would hoard as much as he could possibly hold so no one would take them.
Peachy [canary] has been sitting on four eggs for a week now. Maybe we will have baby birds next week.

Trains in the sky.

While driving today with TJ in the back child seat, he said, " train in the sky". Sure enough, the cloud right in front of us was in the shape of a train engine..........using lots of imagination. TJ pushed the pedals on his tricycle today. The grade of the sidewalk was perfect [one way] to help him. He looks at his feet instead of where he is going. Before, if you asked him if he wanted to ride his bike, he said,"no thank you". This time he saw it in the trunk of my 'Mercury', and said "please" rubbing his chest in ASL for 'please'. We were at the park when he saw it in the trunk. "TJ, what does P-a-r-k spell?" "Park", he says. "What does 'G-o' spell". "Go" he says. It would be very hard to describe what it was like to eat lunch at a restaurant with a tired 2 year old. There wasn't any whining or crying, he stayed on the booth bench, but squirm, talk, fidget, and cling to me he did. I was too hungry to pay too much attention to his antsy, except when he balanced himself between the booth back and the table by putting his shoes against the table edge. That way he could be suspended off the seat. TJ is having a difficult time learning to share. If he thinks another child might even 'think' about playing with what he has, he gathers everything up into his arms [like train cars], and then is unable to enjoy playing. LOL Children come into the world so uncivilized. What a joy to show/teach them to become a member of a civilized culture.

Page 19) Christmas 1998

You [Kenzie} love everything about x-mas: the lights [you helped GG put the outside lights up], the candy canes, the decorations, the icing for cookies, the "Merry Christmas", the x-mas books, you even found x-mas on one the the many "Thomas" tapes. You know the x-mas colors are 'red & green'. I made your name out of red and green cookie dough. Mackenzie, " Two 'E's grandma". You wouldn't wait for Mama to come home to see it. You ate a keg off letter 'A'.
We play 'wrestle you', chase around the house with me hiding sometimes, trains [a lot], baseball, coloring [color shirt], play dough [with GG making a train engine] and Legos - we like castles.
Dec 26th
You get to see all your cousins, but Diedra is your favorite. Kenzie, " take Diedra home to sleep in my tent" [you just got a new tent for x-mas]. Every time Diedra was out of your sight.... "where's Diedra?" Diedra is Aunt Pam's youngest girl of four girls. She has red hair and is very pretty. You asked all night to take her home. It seemed like you were 'in love' with her at 2 3/4 years old; she's a little old for you at 13.
You wore your special red 'train' sweater today; there is an engine with smoke on the front , on one side. And a caboose on the front, other side and freight cars on the back. The train is at the bottom of the sweater and looks like it travels around your body. The sweater has a 'V' neck and special zipper instead of buttons.
Aunt Debbie [Uncle Mike's wife] has a 'beautiful' engine ornament on her x-mas tree. You saw it and wanted to hold it. A little later, when you and mom were getting ready to leave, Aunt Debbie let you hold the engine ornament. When she took it back and hung it on the tree you cried and cried. She asked you if you would trade 'GORDON" [your favorite engine, you had in your hand] for the ornament and you said 'yes' to every ones surprise. NO ONE thought that you would trade 'GORDON' [engine] for anything.

With luv from India..

There are many Indian families living in my apartment complex.  I have met 2 young mothers, Priya and Srividya.  Pryia has two daughters Honey [3] and Harshita 22 months.  Harshita is going to the same preschool as TJ in September.  Srividya has a 2 1/2 yr old boy and is expecting her next baby any day now. Her son, Ashwad, is also going to the same preschool. TJ will have two friends in his class.  That will make things easier for him.  He seems to understand that he is going to preschool.  The giants in his life are talking about it.  Pryia cooked some fried rice for me.  She made it not too spicy......... ooohhh my mouth was hot.  Tom and Jes would like it.  Their cooking is too spicy for me. Pryia and Srividya are not from the same Indian state and can only talk to each other in English!
TJ has been singing songs to himself.  They must be stuck in his head.  Twinkle twinkle little star, Intsy bitsy spider, This old man, Rockin Robin and just today - Bingo. TJ counted 21, 22, etc to 29.  He is aware of 'thinking'.  I asked him where his Auntie San was.... "I'm thinking" he said.  TJ stood on a stool and said, "skateboard". He is getting really great at 'pretending' and making up stories for his cars, trucks and trains.  When I wanted to diaper him, after his bath, he said, " diaper on baby doll".  Baby doll had taken a bath with him.  Then he wanted to give her 'milk'.  I didn't know where her baby bottle was.  His baby doll is a girl.  TJ asks me to read the book, "Things that Go" all the time. 
Garage sales tomorrow.................... last week I bought a pair of toddler girls boots made by Stride Rite for $1, took a picture of them and listed them 'for sale' on Ebay.  The bid is up to $26.50.  I luv this hobby!

Arugla does not make a good smoothie.

Almost every evening I make a green smoothie. Take juice and an apple or pineapple and fresh or frozen spinach, blend well. Do not add arugula bought at the farm market to make arugula pesto that is not getting fresher by the day, so you add it to the above mentioned smoothie..................yuck. Way to peppery to eat in such quantity. So I added a blueberry Greek yogurt thinking that it would tame the taste [somewhat]. Well I ate it [14 grams of protein were NOT going to waste]. I'm pretty creative about not throwing away food. I maybe throw away 5% of what I buy. Nice to have a dog who eats anything. Lily...... Arugula. Today my little grandson TJ, counted his trucks that were lined up against the hearth. He has counted them before, but a big person was pointing to each truck. Without being asked to count, TJ started with one [and two and three and four.etc] touching each truck as he said a number. He does put the 'and' between numbers, funny guy. The amazing thing is no one asked him to count his trucks and he got to fifteen [last one] without missing a number or truck!
TJ, "I'm sitting on my knees".
GG, " I'm sitting on my butt and Lily is sitting on her butt. Dogs have a very small butts"
TJ, " GG has a bug butt!" like I said................funny guy!

Page 18) 12-8-98

You asked to see Santa, so we took you. We asked you what you would ask Santa for Xmas. "Gordon". Gordon is a train engine from 'Thomas the Tank Engine'. You are train crazy. It is so nice to see you like something very very much.
Today we went to 'Greenfield Village' and you charmed everyone you talked to. You are a very wonderful, delightful boy. You want to 'wrestle' with GG; so we do. Also chasing GG around the house is a favorite game. Sometimes I hide, but you like that too...........Boo!
You like 'Babe' the movie and pig toys. We were at the library last week and picked out a pink pig puppet and asked me if you could take it home. I said "I don't know, we will have to ask the woman at the desk" When we were checking out the books, you [with the puppet on your hand], said to the woman, " please, may I take the pig home?" "yes, the puppet has a check out card". You understand that the puppet goes back to the library. You asked me a couple days later if you could have the frog when the pig goes back.
You also like the 'Little Rascals' especially baby 'Spanky'.
12-9-98
You know all your letters well. Today you saw, spelled and understood your first word 'OPEN'. It was on a store [door]. You are 2 3/4 yrs old.
12-10-98
We went to a children's play, music, dance tonight in Wyandotte. You loved it! 80 kids singing and dancing from 3-4 to 18 yrs old. You didn't want to go home. I took you looking at x-mas lights.
12-22-98
My special boy. You are so clever. Kenzie,...... " a freight train, a freight train, a freight train. Oh! the shame of it" .... from 'Thomas the Tank Engine; Gordon [the big blue engine] talking.
You are trying very hard to use the correct words in sentences; I am, you are, and they do; You're not even three yet!
I remembered [from last x-mas] you were awed by the 5 year old boys [2] singing about cars and girls. You couldn't take you eyes off the 10 girls in their gold red and green shiny dresses. "I want to see it again, GG".
We went to see Santa again [you asked to] last Friday at Henry Ford Museum.
Santa to you, "what do you want for x-mas?" Kenzie, "Gordon".

Last night/This morning

Another 'potty' dream; this one involved my grandson Mack, his friend Charles,their shenanigans thwarting my search,a car wash, a stroller, a hair salon [reoccurring theme], the women's room being out of order, a restaurant, a handsome man wanting me to stop and eat dinner [another reoccurring theme: not the eating but a man wanting me], buying underwear, looking for the men's room but can't find it, crossing busy streets thinking the restroom will be over there and an intestinal virus that makes it necessary to buy new under wear that some how ends outside my shorts and costs $10. + tax. I'm tired before I wake up.

Took a cruise AGAIN last night.

There are dreams and...................there are 'potty' dreams. When my body knows that I should relieve the pressure building up in my bladder, my brain decides to send me 'potty' dreams. Missing boarding a cruise ship is a favorite of my brain. Can't find my luggage, don't have the 'right' clothes, can't figure out how to get to the dock, can't remember what ship I'm supposed to be on. Invariably the is someone, on board ship that is getting mad at me for being so late. If it is not a cruise ship, another favorite of my grey matter, is losing my homework, forgetting where my classroom is, can't remember what my locker number is [nobody mad except me]. My all time favorite 'potty' dream, involves not being able to find a bathroom. They're broken, they're not where somebody told me they were. These are the three favorite of my brain. Any dream where I can't accomplish something, is a 'potty' dream. It seems like hours that I'm frustrated, confused and desperate. But.......I eventually get up and pee.

WTM [muck]

This morning I had my small pile of 2 business cards, drivers license, credit card, debit card, picture, library card, and health card that I keep in my left back pocket. [No purse]. Just before I was going into my apartment, I stopped and talked to a maintenance worker. I reached into my pocket [taking the whole pile out] to give him a business card so he could install a ceiling fan. It ended up that he wanted me to call the office and put in a work order. I didn't hand Wyatt my business card. Tonight I stopped at the store for hummus, grabbed an empty bag and felt my back pocket for my credit card..................... it wasn't there. The only thing in my card pocket was the single business card that I was going to give Wyatt. Other back pocket - empty. Front pockets - left, phone - right, empty. Hip pocket [cargo shorts] - empty. Where in the world is my pile of cards??????
To be continued................................

Turns out they were on Tom's kitchen table. I have no idea how they got there. Meanwhile I cancelled my Credit Card & Debit Card...just to be safe. I luvd that credit card number. It was in my head...I took it everywhere. You might think that if Tom saw my stuff last night that he would have sent a text message, just so I wouldn't worry.